Leading the Client to Self-understanding
In previous
columns we have explored the first contact with a prospective client,
discussed the preparations to be made before the client's arrival, and
commented on the beginning of the consultation. The present column is
based on the assumption that you have created a safe place for clear
communication, and you have explained your concept of Astrology. You
are now taking the first few steps towards guiding the client through
self-understanding.
It is time to
downplay the logical side of your mind. It is time to get your right
brain in gear and allow it to communicate with your left brain. It is
time to let the symbols talk to you. It is time to let compassion rule
your heart. It is time for listening.
Chances are the
client has already explained on the phone what issues he was dealing
with. However, between the phone conversation and the consultation,
both the client and you have been processing information. The client
has had time to process the issues and may be at a different place
about them now, or events may have caused him to shift his major
concerns for the consultation. You have looked at the client's chart
and know more about his personality, you know what is happening in the
chart in terms of transits and progressions. So, you want to hear
from the client the issues as they stand now, but most of all, while
listening to the client, you want to allow yourself to hear the
planetary symbols - the archetypes - as he voices them.
For example, a
client who talks about being confused, about feeling isolated, who
mentions several times the word "clouds", who fears being abandoned,
is dealing with the Neptunian archetype regardless of the issue she is
conscious of.
At the same time,
you also need to know what the client expects from you. Is it a
"quick fix" to solve the current problem? Is it reassurance that "all
this is because of all these heavy transits in my chart and everything
will be fine once these aspects are over"? Is it a client who wants
to be guided to better self-understanding in order to take more
responsibility for his life?
Even though the
chart indicates to you the client's desire for involvement in the
transformative process as well as her true needs, this information is
useless without the client's conscious awareness of why she has come
to you. A person whose chart indicates strong Pluto or Scorpio
transits is not necessarily willing to dive to the depth of herself.
A strong Sagittarian or Neptunian component in the chart could
indicate that the person may not be as much in touch with reality as
she may sound. On the other hand, a strong Capricorn component may
denote someone truly willing to take the necessary steps to go
forward.
So, even after
your careful preparation an implicit or explicit inquiry is
appropriate now to ensure that the service you want to provide
coincides with the client's expectations. Make sure in some way that
you are still in agreement on how you will proceed. Sometimes, you can
ask direct questions. Most of the time, it is preferable to test the
waters to see how the client is willing to handle certain information.
For example,
suppose a man was referred to you because of your reputation in
vocational Astrology. He is looking for a career change. His chart
shows a strongly aspected Saturn and a quick temper. You feel that he
may be rebellious against any form of authority figure. Asking a few
questions about previous employment and listening carefully to the way
the client talks about it will give you the answer. If you sense
anger and resentment, if the client blames the boss for his dislike of
the job, he confirms that he is openly acting out his chart rather
than repressing his feelings. If such is the case, even if the field
he is in is not the most satisfying at this time, all the new factors
about a change in careers may only add to his frustration. In any
case, chances are that this person would only repeat the same behavior
regardless of where he works.
The deciding
factor is whether or not the client is willing to look at this aspect
of his life. After all, he came for advice about a career change and
not for psychological counseling. In addition, you are in an
authority figure position which, in that particular situation does not
help, regardless of the fact that the client is consciously seeking
direction. The Saturn archetype talks about authority figures as
experienced from the father, or the lack of such authority. Because
the client comes for vocational issues, one way to discreetly test his
willingness to look at the influence his father had on him is to ask
what he liked to do as a child, what his dreams were, and whether his
father was instrumental in these ideas. The next question could be
"How did you feel about your father (stepfather) as a child?" and to
gently point out the issue. While listening to the answer, hear not
only the words, but also all the other feelings the client expresses
verbally and through body language. Know that beneath anger is pain;
the stronger the denial of the pain, the stronger the anger, and vice
versa. If the chart warrants it, point out how you can sense the pain
through the client's words and lead him to make the link between the
anger at his managers and his childhood issues. The chart will also
tell you natally, by transits and progression, if the client is
currently willing to look at his relationship to his father. However,
the client may have the need to deny what he feels and tell you that
you are overstepping your boundaries, and this is not what he is
paying you for. In such a case, it is up to you to decide whether or
not you want to continue with the consultation.
This is also the
time for you to check again whether or not you are willing and capable
of helping the client. The detailed knowledge of the issue as
presented by the client, your knowledge of the chart, the way the
client wants to go about the consultation, and mostly, your own inner
feelings about the whole thing, have to be examined: you can still
back off. If you feel that you are not the right person for this type
of issue or for the personality of the client, you better say so
now. Do not wait until the client gets deeper into opening himself to
you and putting his trust in you.
When a client
brings an issue which touches too close to your personal issues
directly or indirectly, you can experience signs of unusual inner
tension, such as tight throat, tears in your eyes, your solar plexus
closing off, your shoulders getting tense. If this happens, your
personal issues are in the way of the healing flow of counseling and
you should consider that YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF HANDLING THE
SITUATION. You may, and certainly will, do more harm than good if you
continue. Simply explain this to the client who will appreciate your
straightforwardness, and refer him to someone else. If you cannot
think of another person immediately, make sure you find that other
person and let the client know. Of course, the client does not owe
you anything even if you have spent hours working on the chart!
Recently, a woman
sent a letter to her former boyfriend accusing him of all sorts of
abuse and stating that, with this letter, she was closing the
relationship forever. She received a nasty phone call from the
boyfriend's wife and, afterwards, felt that talking to someone about
it would resolve the whole issue. Anger was definitely an issue, but
not so much at the boyfriend, as at her father. When I used the word
"authority figure" (referring to Saturn), she dropped her defenses,
and stated that she has a lot of difficulty with any type of authority
figure. Then she spoke of her father who "was verbally abusive but
never abused her physically". Without prompting, she added that her
father would strap her on a chair and use a belt, "but this was
nothing at all."
For a minute,
imagine that this woman is your client. Are you willing to help her?
Are you capable of really helping her. She needs to talk and is aware
of it. Are you not only willing, but also truly able, to listen? The
descriptions of a child strapped to a chair while the father is
hitting her with a belt may be quite hard to hear. This is especially
true if there was any form of mistreatment in your own past, even
minimally, which you have not addressed and cleared. Your pain will
be triggered, and you may want to sweep your issue, and therefore the
client's issue, under the rug. This attitude on your part would be
the most devastating thing you could do for the client who comes to
you in trust. It would also be psychologically unhealthy for you as
well as for your future clients because, consciously or not, you would
be on guard against similar revelations, therefore preventing the
client from freely expressing him/herself.
Soon after the
beginning of the session, and several times thereafter, you need to
make sure the client understands what you are saying. Of course, you
should not use Astrological jargon except when working with a fellow
Astrologer who wants to hear how you derive your information. There
are times, however, when we use the most ordinary words and do not get
our point across at all. This happened to me recently as you can see
in the following example.
One of my clients
is in the medical profession, an Astronomy buff, and thinks that
Astrology is nonsense (he tells me that I would do as good a job
without it). He is as remote from metaphysics as you can imagine. At
times, this creates some challenging situations for me regarding
getting my point across. Recently I was attempting to explain to him
some feminine principles. After I labored for a while he said: "This
is an interesting experience: I know very well each word you are
using, but I have no idea what you are saying! I know you are not
speaking a foreign language because I recognize each word, yet this
does not make any sense at all!" I paused for a while and chose to
back off, thinking that with his stellium in Cancer, Saturn, Neptune
and Uranus will do the job for me in the next few weeks. At the same
time, it gave me more food for thought about using words to describe
the feminine which, by nature, is beyond words.
To verify whether
or not the client understands what you say, do not ask: "Do you
understand what I am saying?" In most cases, the client does not want
to look dumb and says that she does. Use a technique which is a basic
tool to enhance good communication: ask the client to feed back to you
what you have said. Even though you may not get much out of a person
with a strong Scorpio chart, in most cases, when trust has been
established, the person will be willing to tell you what they are
hearing you say.
In the next column
we will continue to explore ways of leading clients to better
self-awareness. This will include more communication strategies and
keeping a compassionate heart.